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Birth School Oaf Death

by Oaf

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1.
2.
SHAKY SHAKY ACHY BREAKY FUCKNUT POOPY PARPY DRIBBLE LITTLE SACKBUT LOOKY LIKEY LICKY LAPPY NUTSACK STICKY PSYCHE LABRADOR...WOOF WOOF! I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE IS IT REACHING ALL YOUR PARTS? LOOK OUT! I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE ANOTHER PINT OF ANGRY TEARS WE KNOW WHY YOU’RE RUBBISH AT DARTS WAKEY WAKEY SINGALONGAFUCKFACE CHIPPY CHOPSTICK ANOTHER FUCKING HEADACHE CRUSTY EYEBALL PUTTING OUT A FEELER WE’RE ALL DEAD MEAT BUT AT LEAST WE GOT TEQUILA I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE IS IT REACHING ALL YOUR PARTS LOOK OUT! I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE ANOTHER PINT OF ANGRY TEARS WE KNOW WHY YOU’RE RUBBISH AT DARTS
3.
I KNEEL BEFORE THE LORD TO SIMPER AND APPLAUD I GOT THINGS BACK TO FRONT WHEN I CALLED YOUR SON A CUNT I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS SO I CAN MAKE AMENDS SOME RIGHTEOUS GENOCIDE WOULD MAKE ME WARM INSIDE SO COME ON! GO AHEAD AND DO YOUR WORST KILL THE STUPID PEOPLE FIRST KILL THE STUPID PEOPLE FIRST SEND A PLAGUE TO TIDY UP THE HUMAN RACE
MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE I LEFT YOU IN THE LURCH WHEN I PISSED ON YOUR CHURCH AND MAYBE I WAS RASH WHEN I NICKED ALL YOUR CASH I’M NOT THE KIND TO PRAY OR PERSECUTE THE GAY BUT IF VENGEANCE SHALL BE THINE JUST SHOW ME WHERE TO SIGN JESUS WEPT AS WELL HE MIGHT TO SEE THE TRIUMPH OF THE SHITE FROGS AND LOCUSTS, BLIGHTS AND BOILS TO THE VICTOR COME THE SPOILS
4.
The Terrors 01:24
I DON’T WANNA DIE I HAVEN’T FINISHED YET DOING ALL THE THINGS THAT I WILL SOON REGRET MAKING ALL THE NOISES EATING ALL THE PIES MUST OBEY THE VOICES TELLING ALL THE LIES THE TERRORS! PEER INTO THE VOID I AM AVOIDING IT BURSTING INTO TEARS COLD SWEATING IT FUCK IT FUCK IT ALL OH FUCK OH FUCKING SHIT RAGE AGAINST THE LIGHT WITH BASS AND DRUMMING KIT THE TERRORS!
5.
I HAD THE FUNK BUT IT DIED IN MY ARMS
 BOTH SEXES ARE RESISTANT TO MY CHARMS
 MY FACE MAKES DOGS BARK SETS OFF FIRE ALARMS
 YES SIR! I CAN TINA TURNER 
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A FUCKING RACKET
 SEE AN EASY TARGET MUST ATTACK IT
 HEAR ME NOW I'M CHANNELLING STEVE HACKETT

 I'M IN THE MOOD FOR DANCING LIKE SPASTIC
 ARMS AND LEGS GO BENDY LIKE ELASTIC
 YES, I THINK I AM GOING TO BE SICK YES SIR! I CAN TINA TURNER
6.
Eggbound 08:32
HELLO MIDDLE AGE I SAW YOU COMING FROM AFAR A CARDIGAN OF COMPROMISE WITH BUTTONS OF UNNATURAL SIZE WELCOME MIDDLE AGE THE HOMEOPATHY OF RAGE DRAIN THE COLOUR FROM MY SKIN LET DEFEAT COME MARCHING IN I EMBRACE MIDDLE AGE SURRENDER’S CLOAK A NUMBING VEIL THE PISS OF FAILURE TO THE FLAME THE SLEEPING BAG OF BITTER SHAME TAKE ME NOW MIDDLE AGE THE END IS CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW I WALK THE MILE BUT NOT AS FAR AS YOUNGER LEGS WOULD CHOOSE TO GO MIDDLE AGED EGGBOUND INFIRM UNSOUND I AM QUITE CONTENT TO BE LEFT BEHIND NOTHING LEFT TO ADD TO WHAT’S BEEN SAID A MILLION TIMES COME HOME MIDDLE AGE THE RASPING FANFARE OF DECAY I’M EDGELESS, LARDY, OBSOLETE THE DANCING BEATEN FROM MY FEET MARCH ON MIDDLE AGE THE DEADLY TURNING OF THE PAGE A MUG OF COCOA, THEN THE ABYSS DROWN FOREVER IN MY OWN PISS MIDDLE AGED EGGBOUND INFIRM UNSOUND TOO MUCH CHANGE TOO MUCH CHOICE I VOLUNTEER TO DISAPPEAR DON’T WANT THE WORLD TO HEAR MY VOICE
7.
NECK THE HOLY WATER SNOT WILL GRACE THE PSALTER HOLY FOOTSTEPS FALTER CRAPPING ON THE ALTAR OH LORD, DELIVER ME FROM WORDS AND VISIONS OF THE BEES AND BIRDS ARE YOU EASILY OFFENDED…CUNT? DO ME FOR BLASPHEMY I FUCKING DARE YOU SIR TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN AND NOTHING WILL OCCUR THERE WILL BE MARKER PEN COCKS ON THE WAILING WALL HEAVEN SENT DISEASES HOLY WINES AND CHEESES RISE TO HIGH FIVE JESUS BULGING WITH MALFEASANCE OH LORD, DELIVER ME FROM LIES THE FEEBLE BLEAT OF ALBERT CHRIST NEVER LISTEN TO A CUNT’S ADVICE... HALLELUJAH!
8.
9.
SUCKING IN THE WORLD AROUND REGURGITALES OF BIRTHING BROWN THE RETCH-A-SKETCH, THE TRIGGER PROD A PRAYER TOLD TO THE DUSTBOWL GOD WE’RE WALKING BACK TO PARADISE WITH BOWELS A-BRIM WITH WORMS AND LICE AND CHURNING GUTS WILL BEAT THE DRUM FOR STOMACH CRAMPS AD NAUSEAM BREAKING BREAD TO RAISE THE ROUGH NORMAL PORTIONS ARE ENOUGH COLON DASH AND CHAMPION CHUFF TOUCHING CLOTH WILL MAKE YOU TOUGH COS I KNOW YOUR TYPE YOU’RE ALL BARF, NO BITE IT’S ALL WRONG, ALRIGHT! BABY, ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT? WHEN THE STOPPER DON’T FIT YOU’VE GOT TO GARGLE THE GRIT YOU’RE FINGER-FUCKING THAT SHIT AND BABY, ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT? GULPING DOWN THE BITTER SWILL THE FEED YOU NEED TO MAKE THE KILL THE CHUNKS ARE BLOWN TO BLESS THE CURB THE SPLASH OF DIARRHOEA VERBS THE ODIOUS WILL SEEP AND LEAK THE SEWAGE WORKS ALONG SHIT CREEK THE COLON SPURTS, THE WINKING EYE A SKIDMARK GOD TO SANCTIFY BREAKING BREAD TO RAISE THE ROUGH NORMAL PORTIONS ARE ENOUGH COLON DASH AND CHAMPION CHUFF TOUCHING CLOTH WILL MAKE YOU TOUGH COS I KNOW YOUR TYPE YOU’RE ALL BARF, NO BITE IT’S ALL WRONG, ALRIGHT! AND BABY ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT? WHEN THE STOPPER DON’T FIT YOU’VE GOT TO GARGLE THE GRIT YOU’RE FINGER-FUCKING THAT SHIT AND BABY ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT? OH, I BE S THAT STANDS FOR SOILED SHIT RIVULETS OF RUMBLING BOILED THE HISSING CLEFT, THE STIFFENED OOZE THE OFFAL THAT YOU CAN’T REFUSE THE BURPING TRAP OF FICKLE FATE THE EARLY TURDS COAGULATE WE LICK AND SUCK AND FUCK AND GAG THE FILTH IN LIFE’S COLOSTOMBAG…
10.
ROOFTOP DIRTBAG…HI! SQUIRMING IN VERMIN, BEAK IN YOUR EYE FEATHERED GIT…PLEASE DIE! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE BASTARD, OH MY! PTERODACTYL OF THE SEA GUANO FLEABAG…EAGLE BEE! FUCK OFF SEAGULL! FLAPPING CRAPS ON HIGH MASSIVE HIS WINGSPAN, DIVE D-DIVE DIVE! DENTS MY ROOF…WHAT A GUY! GRUBBY THE SKY ALL FULL OF HIS KIND PTERODACTYL OF THE SEA GUANO FLEABAG…EAGLE BEE! FUCK OFF SEAGULL! WITH HIS OLYMPIAN WINGSPAN SCYTHING THROUGH THE GRUBBY FOG OF DUSK, CRANHAM THE SEAGULL SWOOPED DOWN ACROSS THE CAR PARK, FEATHER BELLIED THE PICNIC TABLE AND PLUCKED THE LAST REMAINING SAUSAGE FROM THE FUHRER’S DESPAIRING, ARTHRITIC GRASP… “CURSE YOU, WHITE DEVIL!!” FUCK OFF SEAGULL!
11.
INSANE NOT REALLY BUT THERE’S ITCHING IN MY BRAIN THE KIND THAT MAKES YOU VIOLENT AND PROFANE THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT SCREAMS AGAIN IT’S REAL THE SENSE THAT I HAVE LEGS INSTEAD OF WHEELS THE CREEPING DREAD THAT EVERY WANKER FEELS THE EMPTY PLATES REPLACING ALL MY MEALS I AIN’T NO ROLLING STONE I TAKE A WIDER VIEW TAP MY POTENTIAL, MAN YOU’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO BUT IN THE LIGHT OF DAY I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREWED I’VE LOST MY DIGNITY AND I’M JOEY DEACON BLUE IT’S DEAD I LIVE THE DREAM BUT ONLY IN MY HEAD THE FINISH LINE PAST WHICH I SHOULD’VE SPED A DOUBLE PIKE AND TWIST OFF BEACHY HEAD TOO LATE MY STORY WAS NOT YOURS TO PROPAGATE I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MATE UPON YOUR PILLOWS I WILL DEFECATE I AIN’T NO ROLLING STONE I TAKE A WIDER VIEW TAP MY POTENTIAL, MAN YOU’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO BUT IN THE LIGHT OF DAY I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREWED I’VE LOST MY DIGNITY AND I’M JOEY DEACON BLUE ARISE WITH TONGUE IN BOTTOM LIP YOU SYMPATHISE I JAB A BIRO INTO BOTH YOUR EYES AS STAIRS AND CURBS ARE SWIFTLY VAPORIZED IN HELL WHERE EVERYBODY ROLLS AROUND AS WELL I SPIT UPON THE GROUND WHERE FORTUNE FELL A KING WITHIN THIS SPASTIC CITADEL
12.
SWEET DELUSION YOU SING ME TO SLEEP EYES AVERTED FROM THE DARK OF THE DEEP I SHIT BELIEF BUT WHICH SHIT TO BELIEVE? WIPING YOUR SUPERNATURAL SNOT ON MY SLEEVE I’M SHITTING GIDEON…I’M GIDDY ON SHIT I WANT TO BEAT YOU UP AND STARE AT YOUR TITS NOTHING IS SACRED AND HOLY’S A HOLE CAN’T SEE THE POINT YOU’RE ONLY SAVING ARSEHOLES NUTHATCH! MOONDOG! LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG! A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE? YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK HEADS WILL ROLL WITH THE SWING OF THE SCYTHE THE BOLLOCKS OF BEELZEBUB WILL ABIDE THE BLOOD OF CHRIST WILL ERADICATE SIN RELEASE THE BRAKE ON THE ESTATE THAT I’M IN I WILL SURRENDER EVERY THOUGHT OF MY OWN YOUR BLAH BLAH BLAH WILL BE MY HOLY RINGTONE THE FIRES OF HELL WILL SET THE PULPIT ABLAZE “HUNGRY AND HOMELESS, BUT WILL BREAKDANCE FOR PRAISE!” NUTHATCH! MOONDOG! LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG! A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE? YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK NUTHATCH! MOONDOG! LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG! A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE? YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK HOLY JESUS, YOU’RE GIVING ME GYP TRAPPED IN A CORNER WITH A QUIVERING LIP FOR 40 DAYDREAMS AND 40 NIGHTMARES I’LL PUSH YOU DOWN A FLIGHT OF THOUSAND YARD STARES I’LL SPIKE YOUR SUBWAY WITH SARIN AND SPITE A MEATBALL MARINARA FISTFUCK, ALRIGHT! SO DRINK THE KOOL AID SAVOUR THE STINK HERE ENDS THE LESSON WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK [A poem…read by Todd Bernhardt] I denounce your surrender, I spit on your peace I refuse to be ooze when your wheels need the grease I will kneel before real, before concrete and wood With this needle of evil I'll sew your mouth good With the grace of the angels I'll swoop on your flock I'll exaggerate certainty, turn back the clock I will smash you with hammers, from toenail to tooth Demons arise and to hell with the truth...

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released July 22, 2013

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Oaf Brighton, UK

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