Birth School Oaf Death

by Oaf

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released July 22, 2013

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Track Name: We Know Why You're Rubbish At Darts
SHAKY SHAKY
ACHY BREAKY FUCKNUT
POOPY PARPY
DRIBBLE LITTLE SACKBUT
LOOKY LIKEY
LICKY LAPPY NUTSACK
STICKY PSYCHE
LABRADOR...WOOF WOOF!

I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE
IS IT REACHING ALL YOUR PARTS?
LOOK OUT!
I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE
ANOTHER PINT OF ANGRY TEARS
WE KNOW WHY YOU’RE RUBBISH
AT DARTS

WAKEY WAKEY
SINGALONGAFUCKFACE
CHIPPY CHOPSTICK
ANOTHER FUCKING HEADACHE
CRUSTY EYEBALL
PUTTING OUT A FEELER
WE’RE ALL DEAD MEAT
BUT AT LEAST WE GOT TEQUILA

I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE
IS IT REACHING ALL YOUR PARTS
LOOK OUT!
I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE
ANOTHER PINT OF ANGRY TEARS
WE KNOW WHY YOU’RE RUBBISH
AT DARTS
Track Name: Kill The Stupid People
I KNEEL BEFORE THE LORD
TO SIMPER AND APPLAUD
I GOT THINGS BACK TO FRONT
WHEN I CALLED YOUR SON A CUNT
I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS
SO I CAN MAKE AMENDS
SOME RIGHTEOUS GENOCIDE
WOULD MAKE ME WARM INSIDE

SO COME ON!
GO AHEAD AND DO YOUR WORST
KILL THE STUPID PEOPLE FIRST
KILL THE STUPID PEOPLE FIRST
SEND A PLAGUE
TO TIDY UP THE HUMAN RACE
MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE

I LEFT YOU IN THE LURCH
WHEN I PISSED ON YOUR CHURCH
AND MAYBE I WAS RASH
WHEN I NICKED ALL YOUR CASH
I’M NOT THE KIND TO PRAY
OR PERSECUTE THE GAY
BUT IF VENGEANCE SHALL BE THINE
JUST SHOW ME WHERE TO SIGN

JESUS WEPT AS WELL HE MIGHT
TO SEE THE TRIUMPH OF THE SHITE
FROGS AND LOCUSTS, BLIGHTS AND BOILS
TO THE VICTOR COME THE SPOILS
Track Name: The Terrors
I DON’T WANNA DIE
I HAVEN’T FINISHED YET
DOING ALL THE THINGS
THAT I WILL SOON REGRET
MAKING ALL THE NOISES
EATING ALL THE PIES
MUST OBEY THE VOICES
TELLING ALL THE LIES

THE TERRORS!

PEER INTO THE VOID
I AM AVOIDING IT
BURSTING INTO TEARS
COLD SWEATING IT
FUCK IT FUCK IT ALL
OH FUCK OH FUCKING SHIT
RAGE AGAINST THE LIGHT
WITH BASS AND DRUMMING KIT

THE TERRORS!
Track Name: Yes Sir, I Can Tina Turner
I HAD THE FUNK BUT IT DIED IN MY ARMS

BOTH SEXES ARE RESISTANT TO MY CHARMS

MY FACE MAKES DOGS BARK SETS OFF FIRE ALARMS


YES SIR! I CAN TINA TURNER


NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A FUCKING RACKET

SEE AN EASY TARGET MUST ATTACK IT

HEAR ME NOW I'M CHANNELLING STEVE HACKETT



I'M IN THE MOOD FOR DANCING LIKE SPASTIC

ARMS AND LEGS GO BENDY LIKE ELASTIC

YES, I THINK I AM GOING TO BE SICK

YES SIR! I CAN TINA TURNER
Track Name: Eggbound
HELLO MIDDLE AGE
I SAW YOU COMING FROM AFAR
A CARDIGAN OF COMPROMISE
WITH BUTTONS OF UNNATURAL SIZE
WELCOME MIDDLE AGE
THE HOMEOPATHY OF RAGE
DRAIN THE COLOUR FROM MY SKIN
LET DEFEAT COME MARCHING IN

I EMBRACE MIDDLE AGE
SURRENDER’S CLOAK A NUMBING VEIL
THE PISS OF FAILURE TO THE FLAME
THE SLEEPING BAG OF BITTER SHAME
TAKE ME NOW MIDDLE AGE
THE END IS CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW
I WALK THE MILE BUT NOT AS FAR
AS YOUNGER LEGS WOULD CHOOSE TO GO

MIDDLE AGED
EGGBOUND
INFIRM
UNSOUND
I AM QUITE CONTENT
TO BE LEFT BEHIND
NOTHING LEFT TO ADD
TO WHAT’S BEEN SAID A MILLION TIMES

COME HOME MIDDLE AGE
THE RASPING FANFARE OF DECAY
I’M EDGELESS, LARDY, OBSOLETE
THE DANCING BEATEN FROM MY FEET
MARCH ON MIDDLE AGE
THE DEADLY TURNING OF THE PAGE
A MUG OF COCOA, THEN THE ABYSS
DROWN FOREVER IN MY OWN PISS

MIDDLE AGED
EGGBOUND
INFIRM
UNSOUND
TOO MUCH CHANGE
TOO MUCH CHOICE
I VOLUNTEER TO DISAPPEAR
DON’T WANT THE WORLD TO HEAR MY VOICE
Track Name: Marker Pen Cocks
NECK THE HOLY WATER
SNOT WILL GRACE THE PSALTER
HOLY FOOTSTEPS FALTER
CRAPPING ON THE ALTAR

OH LORD, DELIVER ME FROM WORDS
AND VISIONS OF THE BEES AND BIRDS
ARE YOU EASILY OFFENDED…CUNT?

DO ME FOR BLASPHEMY
I FUCKING DARE YOU SIR
TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN
AND NOTHING WILL OCCUR

THERE WILL BE MARKER PEN COCKS
ON THE WAILING WALL

HEAVEN SENT DISEASES
HOLY WINES AND CHEESES
RISE TO HIGH FIVE JESUS
BULGING WITH MALFEASANCE

OH LORD, DELIVER ME FROM LIES
THE FEEBLE BLEAT OF ALBERT CHRIST
NEVER LISTEN TO A CUNT’S ADVICE...

HALLELUJAH!
Track Name: Are You Loathsome Tonight?
SUCKING IN THE WORLD AROUND
REGURGITALES OF BIRTHING BROWN
THE RETCH-A-SKETCH, THE TRIGGER PROD
A PRAYER TOLD TO THE DUSTBOWL GOD
WE’RE WALKING BACK TO PARADISE
WITH BOWELS A-BRIM WITH WORMS AND LICE
AND CHURNING GUTS WILL BEAT THE DRUM
FOR STOMACH CRAMPS AD NAUSEAM

BREAKING BREAD TO RAISE THE ROUGH
NORMAL PORTIONS ARE ENOUGH
COLON DASH AND CHAMPION CHUFF
TOUCHING CLOTH WILL MAKE YOU TOUGH

COS I KNOW YOUR TYPE
YOU’RE ALL BARF, NO BITE
IT’S ALL WRONG, ALRIGHT!
BABY, ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT?
WHEN THE STOPPER DON’T FIT
YOU’VE GOT TO GARGLE THE GRIT
YOU’RE FINGER-FUCKING THAT SHIT
AND BABY, ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT?

GULPING DOWN THE BITTER SWILL
THE FEED YOU NEED TO MAKE THE KILL
THE CHUNKS ARE BLOWN TO BLESS THE CURB
THE SPLASH OF DIARRHOEA VERBS
THE ODIOUS WILL SEEP AND LEAK
THE SEWAGE WORKS ALONG SHIT CREEK
THE COLON SPURTS, THE WINKING EYE
A SKIDMARK GOD TO SANCTIFY

BREAKING BREAD TO RAISE THE ROUGH
NORMAL PORTIONS ARE ENOUGH
COLON DASH AND CHAMPION CHUFF
TOUCHING CLOTH WILL MAKE YOU TOUGH

COS I KNOW YOUR TYPE
YOU’RE ALL BARF, NO BITE
IT’S ALL WRONG, ALRIGHT!
AND BABY ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT?
WHEN THE STOPPER DON’T FIT
YOU’VE GOT TO GARGLE THE GRIT
YOU’RE FINGER-FUCKING THAT SHIT
AND BABY ARE YOU LOATHSOME TONIGHT?

OH, I BE S THAT STANDS FOR SOILED
SHIT RIVULETS OF RUMBLING BOILED
THE HISSING CLEFT, THE STIFFENED OOZE
THE OFFAL THAT YOU CAN’T REFUSE
THE BURPING TRAP OF FICKLE FATE
THE EARLY TURDS COAGULATE
WE LICK AND SUCK AND FUCK AND GAG
THE FILTH IN LIFE’S COLOSTOMBAG…
Track Name: Fuck Off Seagull
ROOFTOP DIRTBAG…HI!
SQUIRMING IN VERMIN, BEAK IN YOUR EYE
FEATHERED GIT…PLEASE DIE!
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE BASTARD, OH MY!

PTERODACTYL OF THE SEA
GUANO FLEABAG…EAGLE BEE!

FUCK OFF SEAGULL!

FLAPPING CRAPS ON HIGH
MASSIVE HIS WINGSPAN, DIVE D-DIVE DIVE!
DENTS MY ROOF…WHAT A GUY!
GRUBBY THE SKY ALL FULL OF HIS KIND

PTERODACTYL OF THE SEA
GUANO FLEABAG…EAGLE BEE!

FUCK OFF SEAGULL!

WITH HIS OLYMPIAN WINGSPAN SCYTHING THROUGH THE GRUBBY FOG OF DUSK, CRANHAM THE SEAGULL SWOOPED DOWN ACROSS THE CAR PARK, FEATHER BELLIED THE PICNIC TABLE AND PLUCKED THE LAST REMAINING SAUSAGE FROM THE FUHRER’S DESPAIRING, ARTHRITIC GRASP…

“CURSE YOU, WHITE DEVIL!!”

FUCK OFF SEAGULL!
Track Name: Joey Deacon Blue
INSANE
NOT REALLY BUT THERE’S ITCHING IN MY BRAIN
THE KIND THAT MAKES YOU VIOLENT AND PROFANE
THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT SCREAMS AGAIN

IT’S REAL
THE SENSE THAT I HAVE LEGS INSTEAD OF WHEELS
THE CREEPING DREAD THAT EVERY WANKER FEELS
THE EMPTY PLATES REPLACING ALL MY MEALS

I AIN’T NO ROLLING STONE
I TAKE A WIDER VIEW
TAP MY POTENTIAL, MAN
YOU’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO
BUT IN THE LIGHT OF DAY
I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREWED
I’VE LOST MY DIGNITY
AND I’M JOEY DEACON BLUE

IT’S DEAD
I LIVE THE DREAM BUT ONLY IN MY HEAD
THE FINISH LINE PAST WHICH I SHOULD’VE SPED
A DOUBLE PIKE AND TWIST OFF BEACHY HEAD
TOO LATE
MY STORY WAS NOT YOURS TO PROPAGATE
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MATE
UPON YOUR PILLOWS I WILL DEFECATE

I AIN’T NO ROLLING STONE
I TAKE A WIDER VIEW
TAP MY POTENTIAL, MAN
YOU’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO
BUT IN THE LIGHT OF DAY
I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREWED
I’VE LOST MY DIGNITY
AND I’M JOEY DEACON BLUE

ARISE
WITH TONGUE IN BOTTOM LIP YOU SYMPATHISE
I JAB A BIRO INTO BOTH YOUR EYES
AS STAIRS AND CURBS ARE SWIFTLY VAPORIZED

IN HELL
WHERE EVERYBODY ROLLS AROUND AS WELL
I SPIT UPON THE GROUND WHERE FORTUNE FELL
A KING WITHIN THIS SPASTIC CITADEL
Track Name: Wash Your Faith In My Think
SWEET DELUSION YOU SING ME TO SLEEP
EYES AVERTED FROM THE
DARK OF THE DEEP
I SHIT BELIEF
BUT WHICH SHIT TO BELIEVE?
WIPING YOUR SUPERNATURAL
SNOT ON MY SLEEVE
I’M SHITTING GIDEON…I’M GIDDY ON SHIT
I WANT TO BEAT YOU UP
AND STARE AT YOUR TITS
NOTHING IS SACRED
AND HOLY’S A HOLE
CAN’T SEE THE POINT
YOU’RE ONLY SAVING ARSEHOLES

NUTHATCH! MOONDOG!
LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG!

A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE
I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE?

YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK
I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK

HEADS WILL ROLL
WITH THE SWING OF THE SCYTHE
THE BOLLOCKS OF BEELZEBUB
WILL ABIDE
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST
WILL ERADICATE SIN
RELEASE THE BRAKE
ON THE ESTATE THAT I’M IN
I WILL SURRENDER EVERY THOUGHT OF MY OWN
YOUR BLAH BLAH BLAH
WILL BE MY HOLY RINGTONE
THE FIRES OF HELL
WILL SET THE PULPIT ABLAZE
“HUNGRY AND HOMELESS, BUT WILL BREAKDANCE FOR PRAISE!”

NUTHATCH! MOONDOG!
LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG!

A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE
I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE?

YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK
I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK

NUTHATCH! MOONDOG!
LIE-PIPE! GOD WOG!

A NEW MESSIAH FIT TO LEAD THE CHARGE
I FLATTEN MEDIUMS…I’M EXTRA LARGE
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT LEFT YOU IN CHARGE?

YOU DRIVE ME TO DRINK
I’LL WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK

HOLY JESUS, YOU’RE GIVING ME GYP
TRAPPED IN A CORNER WITH A QUIVERING LIP
FOR 40 DAYDREAMS AND 40 NIGHTMARES
I’LL PUSH YOU DOWN A FLIGHT OF THOUSAND YARD STARES
I’LL SPIKE YOUR SUBWAY WITH SARIN AND SPITE
A MEATBALL MARINARA FISTFUCK, ALRIGHT!
SO DRINK THE KOOL AID SAVOUR THE STINK
HERE ENDS THE LESSON
WASH YOUR FAITH IN MY THINK

[A poem…read by Todd Bernhardt]

I denounce your surrender, I spit on your peace
I refuse to be ooze when your wheels need the grease
I will kneel before real, before concrete and wood
With this needle of evil I'll sew your mouth good
With the grace of the angels I'll swoop on your flock
I'll exaggerate certainty, turn back the clock
I will smash you with hammers, from toenail to tooth
Demons arise and to hell with the truth...